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Rave Jokes and Humour

How To Spot A Raver

1.Ravers can perfectly understand and have amazing conversations with anyone under the age of ten.
2.Ravers know where all the best toy stores are.
3.Ravers get the most mileage out of their shoes. The toes and heels always curl up because they're so worn down.
4.Ravers always wish the DJ would spin that OC Transpo track that they keep hearing on the bus ride home.
5.Ravers are the only people who don't have their age calculated in months, yet still wear and use pacifiers.
6.Ravers always consider every new place they go to as a possible location for a party.
7.Ravers hug EVERYONE.
8.Ravers can DANCE.
9.Ravers can be found dancing everywhere EXCEPT the main dance floor.
10.Ravers understand the art of the bathroom conversation.
11.Ravers choose their clothes by texture, colour, and size.
12.Ravers love homemade clothes because they've seen the price tag on a pair of Lithiums.
13.Ravers get the most enjoyment out of gino/guito stories.
14.Ravers always order water when they go out to clubs.
15.Ravers realize that "Evian" spells "naivE" backwards.
16.Ravers notice that the doors near the Mackenzie King Bridge have an "e" on the handle.
17.Ravers always know the most likely spot to find other ravers within a one-hundred foot radius.
18.Ravers don't bother planning to meet their friends ahead of time, their friends are always already there.
19.Ravers don't say, "Nice shoes, wanna f**k?"
20.Ravers give the best hugs and massages.
21.Ravers have a one track mind. It goes "thump thump tweet thump tweet thump."
22.Ravers constantly point out the trippy visuals in everyday life.
23.Ravers helped Adidas through the "lean" years.
24.Ravers never know the name of their favorite tracks.
25.Ravers know how to SMILE.
26.Ravers always choose "e" on multiple choice questions.
27.Ravers are good at playing "guess what he's on".
28.Ravers will say "hi" to those people they don't know, yet always see on the bus.
29.Ravers can't watch Electric Circus without it being muted.
30.Ravers define the style of music they listen to as "good".

Top 10 Signs That You've Been
Hanging Out With DJ's Too Long
by Kim & Shelby

10. You've been linked romantically with at least three different DJ's because you're seen so often in their company.
9. It doesn't even phaze you to hear, "Yeah, I ordered $300 of records this week."
8. Words like Chicago, Orlando, and L.A. are descriptions of sounds, not cities.
7. You're expected to know the difference between a 606 and a 909.
6. You know that mixing isn't what you do to a cake, a board isn't used to build a house, and tables aren't for eating.
5. When travelling, one of the first things you do is look for a store that sells vinyl.
4. You can identify a track within the first 5 seconds of play, even when it's being mixed with another track.
3. You start calling songs "tracks".
2. A constant thought is, "Need more bass."
1. You can't remember your own telephone number, but you can clearly recall the title, artist, and vocals of an obscure song you only heard 3 times back in 1993.

You Know You're a REAL Raver When....

*You have sleeping patterns that would kill normal human beings.
*You start coveting all of your dad's old 1977 polyester sweatsuits.
*Almost every letter of the alphabet has an alternate meaning to you.
*You begin to think of blow-pops as a seperate food group.
*The mere mention of a 3 digit number with a "0" in the middle of it causes you to drool uncontrollably.
*The odometer of your car increases in big chunks over the weekend.
*You get an evil grin every time you see commercials for "E: the entertainment network".
*You have to fight back the urge to beat the hell out everyone who thinks raves are like the club scene in Basic Instinct.
*You can keep a straight face when you tell people "really, not that many people are on anything....i'm serious!"
*You are happy when there's a recession because it means more empty warehouses.
*Food, water, air, Vick's...all are about of equal importance.
*You can live for an entire weekend out of your bookbag.
*You are no longer just a raver...but a promoter, vendor, DJ, etc...
*You know about the INFORMATION POLICE.
*You're white and have dreads.
*You have trouble naming 5 friends who are not pierced SOMEWHERE.
*You'll pay $40 for a ticket to an event that may very well not happen... and you'll pay $50 for a pill that may very well be aspirin...but you WILL NOT pay $2.00 for that big glass of water!
*You can't pass an empty warehouse, church, school, big open field, barn, airplane hanger, phone booth, nuclear power plant, etc...without getting that far-off look in your eye and saying...'wow, what a great site for a...
*You know the mappoints before the promoters do!
*You not only notice that household appliances like washing machines can generate a funky beat, you also argue about whether it's tribal or trance.

You know your a raver when...

-On days that you wear 'normal' sized pants, people are amazed that you have legs...
-You're not surprised when black stuff comes out of your nose the day after a party.
-The total amount of sleep you get on the weekends is the sum of how many times you've blinked since Friday night.
-You grin like a dumbass whenever you see a commercial for 'E' television.
-You feel wickedly guilty when your clueless parents tell you to 'have a nice trip' when you and your friends are on your way to an out of town party.
-The most important accessory for being glammed up at a party?... a pacifier.
-You feel subhuman on Sundays cos you're tired, cracked out, deaf, dirty, sore, and you're still seeing those damned spots.
-You and other kids wearing phat pants smile at each other like goofs even though you've never met before.
-You have the most indepth interesting conversations with people under 10.
-You think prehaps bill gates was thinking of something else when he designed that little e logo in the upper right corner of your internet screen.
-You know you are a raver when you are willing to spend 40 bucks on a party you may not get into, or 50 bucks on something that may not be E, but you find it hard to part with $3 for a bottle of water.
-All your friends have dumb names like subsonic chronic, novice, rabbit, muffin, gollum and saffron...etc
-You've been close friends with someone for weeks without knowing their first name. "whattaya mean sawa's real name isn't sawa???"
-You start to describe dates using parties instead of calendar dates. "man, i haven't been this tired since hardware 7!" or "wow, that's the longest line i've seen since every picture!"
-You can stand right in front of a 5000 watt speaker for an hour and be loving it.
-You've got flyers all over your wall (kinda like wallpaper).
-You know your a raver when sketching becomesnormal.
-You've got a huge pile of dead glostix in your room, you don't want to throw them away, 'cos of sentimental value.
-When shrugging your shoulders can constitute for a conversation.
-When your driving your car home and you feel like your in a video game.
-When you get home and you have absolutely nothing you can possibly talk to your parents about your weekend.
-When you just dont give a @#$% what you look like anymore and just dance, dance , dance.
-When hygeine is optional at 7 in the morning-hey lets head to the afterparty!
-When your biggest concern is where the next earthcore/hardware/eptas is going to be held, and you can think of nothing else.
-When you washing machine starts making a noise and you and your friends argue if its tribal or trance (or should i say old old jungle).
-While all your friends are getting married and having kids, you are collecting Yo Yo's and trying to remove chewed up gum from your phat pants...